Don’t blame the divorced

Wait till you finish reading this before you’re justified to raise an eyebrow …..…
Don’t condemn the title of this article until you’re through reading this piece. Don’t make any conclusion until you have gone through all that is written here.

Would you have encouraged a woman who is constantly subjected to physical and emotional torture by her spouse to stay put in that marriage till she is beaten to death?
Would you advice someone whose spouse is an unrepentant adulterer/adulteress to stay forever in the marriage until she/he contacts STD? Even the Bible approves divorce on the ground of infidelity because infidelity breaks the covenant of marriage. It is not everyone that is graced like Prophet Hosea to wait on his harlot wife till she repents.

Today as I sit to write, I remember a dear cousin I lost a few years ago at her mid-thirties. She died leaving her young daughter and the son of her teenage years. We knew she had issues in the home front; her husband was ‘a man of war’ at home. At one time in the early days of her marriage she was diagnosed with high blood pressure after ‘a shouting match’ with her husband, which left her almost collapsing. Anyone who would have suggested divorce or temporary separation from her husband at that time would have been tagged ‘enemy of progress’ but we all know better now. She one day collapsed on her way from her work as a result of a heart attack which I knew couldn’t be separated from the war at home.

It is not safe to be living with a spouse whose sanity is not certain. Any spouse that doesn’t see anything wrong in making his/her partner cry or sad, needs a mental and marital checkup. If your spouse’s happiness no longer matters to you, you are no longer normal; ‘mehn….’, seek for help.
Some men/women are meant to emulate Apostle Paul and not get married. See, my guy; it is not compulsory to get married. If you cannot love your spouse unconditionally just as God has laid it down, don’t marry, period! It is miserable to get married and be wishing to be single all over again.

Dear friend, before you blame the divorced, listen to their stories. I usually advise singles to delete divorce from their dictionary and replace it with ‘unlimited forgiveness’ once they get married but the advice is for singles who marry right. You can’t follow God’s leading to the letter while choosing your life partner and marry wrongly. God is the best match maker. Go ask Ruth and Boaz. God’s calculation enables us marry our better half; what manipulation does is to merge Samson and Delilah together.

If God can overlook Ruth’s past and still find her suitable to be in the lineage of Jesus, if He decided to forgive Bathsheba and still crowned her son as the next king of Israel after David, tell me who are you to judge and blame a divorcee whom God has empowered to love and re-marry? A lot of people have made mistakes in ignorance and have found themselves in circumstances beyond their control because no human is perfect. The good news however is that we have a perfect God who specializes in making perfect our imperfections.

You should feel bad for someone who once loved but promised not to love again because of his/her past experience. You should however be happy for one who has taken a bold step to love again despite an ugly past or failed marriage. May our relationships be better each day and may we experience heaven on earth in our marriages. Amen!

{Credits to WINNIE MULTIMEDIA STUDIO BB Pin: 22A92266 for the photograph. Thanks to @iamdayosamuel for the graphics on the displayed picture}

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Dear Mother-in-Law

This is an open letter to all mothers-in-law.
I write to you today as woman to woman. It has come to my notice that you had a choice of spouse in mind for your child to marry; one way or the other your child ended up marrying his/her own choice and not yours. You want your child’s happiness so you seem to comply with the union but on the other hand, you are vigilant, watching and waiting for your son/daughter-in-law’s mistake so you can have a chance to show your initial disapproval of the relationship.

I want you to know that whatever you do to your daughter-in-law may likely be reaped by your daughter from her mother-in-law. It’s called the law of the harvest. Let me introduce you to the best mum-in-law I have ever heard about. She is Naomi, the one Ruth promised not to leave in the ancient book of Ruth as contained in the wisest book ever written (The Holy Bible). Oh yeah, you seem to be familiar with the story. She was a great mentor to her daughter-in-law. In fact she never blamed Ruth for the death of her son, Ruth’s husband, which was untimely. She treated her like a daughter and even introduced her to the God of Israel.

Ruth had nothing left to look out for since her husband’s death and Naomi released her to go but she knew her mother-in-law would not survive her long journey back to Israel without help and company. She volunteered for an opportunity to start life all over again by keeping Naomi’s company. She wouldn’t have done that if Naomi had treated her badly.

The great relationship Naomi had with Ruth ended up blessing both their lives. Naomi got her late husband’s inheritance back courtesy of the husband Ruth later married in Israel. It is inhumane to treat your daughter-in-law badly because you feel she will ‘steal’ your son’s attention from you.

Genesis 38 gives an account of how Tamar was badly treated by her spouse. God killed her spouse when God saw her pains and ordeal. God is moved by the tears of women because He knows they are fragile at heart and should be treated with respect. Jezebel was also slain by God for plotting against God’s servant, Elijah. Her blood was licked by dogs; that’s to tell you how God treats people who are inhumane. Let me ask you, do you want GOD to slay you? God help you if your daughter-in-law can cry out to God like Hagar did in the wilderness….help will surely come for her.

Treat your daughters-in-law as you want your own daughters to be treated in their matrimonial homes. One of the tweets of Praise Fowowe on twitter (@praisefowowe) reads: “African families must learn to allow two adults who have chosen to marry be and not interfere with sentiments that have not helped anyone”

I have vowed to be the best mother-in-law to my future daughters/sons-in-law. I want them to remember me and call me the best mother-in-law that ever lived on earth. What about you?

Please Note: This piece is a special dedication to all daughters-in-law who are being victimized by their mothers-in-law. God sees your pain, He hears your cry, and He will plead your case.

I am your Fellow Sister,
Grace Festus-Alao
BB Pin: 2BA9F589

Do me a favour…Fall in love with Me!

When was the last time you took time out to celebrate how far you have come in life? Do you even have time to appreciate who you are on the way to where you are going? Today, I challenge you to love yourself deeply, wholly, fully and unconditionally; only then are you properly positioned to love your spouse, loved ones and others regardless of their weakness.

At a time in my life I was so busy trying to have a perfect home and trying to always be there for my spouse that I forgot and hardly had the time to give myself a special treat. Oh yes, you do deserve a special treat and not once in a lifetime but often. Do not wait till someone takes you out to ‘spoil you silly’; you may need to be the one to ask yourself out at times and give yourself the special treatment you deserve. Don’t be too busy working to amass wealth and end up losing your health when the wealth comes.

I felt that as long as my home looks like a palace and there is always a smile on my spouse’s face, I was okay, but I got it all wrong. I gave myself away selflessly forgetting to reserve anything for ‘me’ and that started affecting me negatively. I became so ‘worn out’ because I never took time out to be refreshed. It is great to look after the welfare of your spouse, home and kids but do not forget to look after yourself too. Always look at the mirror and observe if the reflection of who you see is a better you or a ‘worn-out’ you.

In the words of Sarah D. Jakes, “you have to love yourself first; because that’s the only way you can truly love another imperfect person”. I love the words of Olakunle Soriyan which reads, “I’ve come to realize that the smallest thing to do in life is to make myself happy”. My husband often says, “no one can make you sad without your consent”. It therefore means that it is paramount that you should be happy in life; and if you are surrounded by those who do not make you happy, find a way to make yourself happy. You cannot make other people happy if you’re sad. Let me ask you a question, “What are those things you derive joy in doing and when last did you do them?”

A lot of leaders are lonely and depressed and that is why suicide cases are increasing all over the world. There are times that you will face great challenges and you must build your own circle of cheerleaders. Do you have people who can encourage you no matter what you’re passing through? You may have a lot of pressures on you as a leader, you need to have confidants or mentors who you respect, who can look you straight in the eye to tell you to take a ‘serious’ break when you need one. Don’t overwork yourself till you break down.

The grave is filled with lots of people who never fully lived their lives. People viewed them as successful but never knew they battled inwardly with depression, loneliness and rejection; and as such ended their lives because they didn’t enjoy it. Learn to hang around those who celebrate you and those who will stop at nothing to bring out the best in you. Fall in love with yourself because if you do, you will stop at nothing to make yourself happy. Know when the law of diminishing returns set in and when to take a break to rest or go for a long vacation. Do not die before your time; do not fix your funeral for when the applause is loudest (when the world needs you most). You are phenomenal, see yourself that way and love yourself fully. Don’t be a solution provider who refuses to use the prescription he recommends for others when he too needs it.

Love Language for Singles

I will strongly advice that every engaged single should try as much as possible to know his/her future partner’s love language(s). However you may not be able to ‘fully’ express some of those love language(s) until you both get married.

So, you may ask me, “what if my boyfriend/fiancee’s love language is PHYSICAL TOUCH?” or “she always wants me to cuddle her to prove my love for her”. The only proper way you can express physical touch while still dating now is holding of hands. See, if you accept to cuddle him/her today, it will be difficult not to share a tight hug tomorrow. That definitely may come along with pecks which will gradually mature into a deep kiss. Before you know it, you’ll be struggling not to have sex together.

A person who enjoys PHYSICAL TOUCH may also like WORDS OF AFFIRMATION; you may have to do with that while still courting and wait to express the physical touch “fully” when you’re married. However, words are powerful; when used rightly, they can melt the heart of a strong man/woman any time. Use your words to stir up your date to be a better person and not to sexually arouse him/her. You know what I’m talking about.

There are words you consistently tell someone that melts his/her heart and makes him/her want to do anything with you including sleeping with you. Have you ever read a love poem that makes you fall in love with the poet instantly? Have you ever read a love letter that makes you wanna tour round the world with the writer? WORDS OF AFFIRMATION with sexual undertone can set anyone’s emotions and body on fire ready to be consumed in the flame of temporary but regretful sexual pleasures. Don’t dare smell what you are not yet “qualified” to eat least its aroma keeps giving you sleepless night until you have a taste of it. Once you taste it, it’s very difficult to stop it and not stopping it could cause lot of havoc.

You can warm your fiance/fiancee’s heart with ACTS OF SERVICE. No one would say no to a little hand of help. You don’t know a good husband/wife ‘material’ by ‘testing’ him/her on the bed. Marriage is not all about sex. Of what use is a man/woman who is good in bed but unless in other areas of life? Set boundaries while courting and stand by them. Don’t let anyone start a fire with you that you know can consume you utterly.

No matter how well you want to spend QUALITY TIME with your future spouse, you must be careful not to be too alone for long where you’ll be tempted to “mess yourselves up.” You can spend time going out, be among people that matter or attend programmes together. Being alone behind close doors always will make you go beyond the boundary.

There is no limit to RECEIVING GIFTS from your fiance/fiancee if that is his/her love language; just make sure you don’t make unnecessary demand that will choke up your partner. Great relationship is made up of givers. I’ll keep drumming God’s candid advice in your ears: if you’re married, sleep only if with your spouse; if you’re still single, sleep alone till you get married. I know you have lot of questions, I’ll be waiting to answer them via BB PIN: 29E55A9A. I value you greatly!

Help! My Spouse is moving in opposite direction….

  ‘Can two Individuals walk in same direction without first agreeing to do so? ‘- Prophet Amos

It is so frustrating to be married to someone who doesn’t believe in your vision or dream. It is energy draining to be soul knitted to someone who doesn’t see the future you paint and anticipate. Nothing is as beautiful as having a partner/spouse who is your number one cheerleader. It is great synergy to have a lover who watches your back as you go to the field to do what you are called to do; what you are specifically configured for.

I put it to you that it is pertinent to have purpose before partner. It is better to know the future you anticipate before you ‘drag’ in your future partner into the picture. You may need to ask Mary who ‘wombed’ the Messiah how frustrating it was initially when her spouse Joseph didn’t initially believe her purpose of birthing the Messiah. God your creator knows you need a supporting spouse to function well and finish strong. This He proved when He threw all His weight behind Moses’ wife Zipporoah when she was criticized and victimized by her in-laws for belonging to a tribe God instructed them not to marry from. Now wait, it was this same God that instructed Moses’ tribe not to marry from Midian where Zipporoah emanated from. It was Zipporoah’s father that housed and catered from Moses when he fled from Egypt because the enthroned Pharaoh was after his life for defending the people of Israel. Moses needed to stay away from the public for a while to prepare him for the great task ahead of delivering the children of Israel from captive. Zipporoah’s father, Jethro not only provided the place of abode for Moses but also gave him his blessings for him to marry his daughter.

While courting, Moses took time out to explain his vision to Zipporoah, he told her how he awaits a time when his people would be delivered from the captive; how it would happen however remain clueless to him. Zipporoah believed his vision despite having a ‘foreign’ origin.

Fast forward to the burning bush experience; it was time for Moses to go deliver his people from the slave master and guess what he got his wife’s support and blessings and I am sure she kept praying while Moses went ahead to challenge Pharaoh (phew!)

Fast forward to when the nation of Israel got their freedom and was on their way to their promise land, Moses’ siblings scorned and despised Moses for marrying from a forbidden tribe. It was a slap on Moses’ face and that of his spouse; but guess what? God was so proud of all the support that Zipporoah gave her husband all through and He had no choice than to punish Moses’ siblings for their insolence. God knows it is suicidal to go on a mission or embark on a vision whose success has many lives attached to it without YOU having the full support of your soul mate; this is critical. There is so much to share on this topic …

To this effect, my faculty and I will be teaching singles in MENTORING SINGLES master class on 17, 18 & 19 July and we have decided to include this topic SELF DISCOVERY: Finding Purpose before Partner in our course outline. It is a course that is deep and compulsory for everyone that desires fulfillment in life and marriage. Take advantage of this awesome experience; Send ‘masterclass as subject of the mail; your full names and whatsapp number to whensinglesgather@gmail.com and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Your beautiful future has begun already. I believe, do you?

He Proposed…She said No! So what?

My attention was drawn the story of a young man making news on the social media of recent. He went out with his supposed girlfriend to a popular shopping mall and proposed to her right in the midst of the crowd. Guess what? The babe gave a blatant NO!

How do you expect the guy to feel? His ego will be hurt, he will be disappointed and ashamed. He may even feel very angry at himself for putting himself in that position and with his girlfriend for giving him a NO. Above all, he will be unhappy.
Despite this, it is not the end of the world, he shouldn’t lose hope on life because a lady he so much love do not consider him qualify to be her life partner.

More so, the man should have known if the lady was into him or not before proposing in the public. He could have tested her privately with suggestive questions similar to the proposal before coming to the public to embarrass himself. Before you can propose to a lady in the public, you must have made her anxious and be looking forward to when you will pop up the question.

Same way, lot of ladies have been heartbroken because they have fallen in love with men who have no feelings for them or plan to have them as life partner for the future.

So how do you handle such situation when you get a No from a proposal.
-Try as much as possible not to be angry. It may not be easy but it is the best way to keep yourself save.

-Remember it is not the end of the world. Most times, what awaits us in the future is always better and finer than what we regret not having in the present.

-Try as much as possible to get busy doing something profitable. Engage your mind positively. Idle mind will make your heart wandering and throwing a pity party for yourself.

-Do things that make you happy. Listen to great music. Watch interesting films and hang around people that can make you laugh.

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-More importantly, you may have to talk to someone whose counsel you respect in case you are losing your mind or not better in days. You know that slogan that usually accompanies drug adverts on radio and television , ‘if symptoms persists after a few days, do consult your doctor’ (smiles). A Relationship counsellor or Mind Therapist will be of great help.

She said no to your proposal, so what? It is not the end of the world, it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. I believe so and I need you too to do so. All the best.

Before You start Another Relationship

another relationship

So you are contemplating starting another relationship? That means the previous relationship ended. Sometimes we wish our previous relationship(s) worked out because of our huge investment in it (them) but really if our eyes were opened to see the kind of great future carved out for us, we will be glad that the previous relationship ended because it wasn’t designed to bring out the best in us.

Alright, now that there is no one in your life or you are considering if this person you just met is best suited for you. Let me ask you, what lessons did you learn from the previous relationship?

If you were hurt in the past, have you forgiven your ex? Please know that if you’re still hurting from a failed relationship, you’re not healthy enough to start another one. Why? Your wound is probably still fresh or you’re still healing. If any pain is inflicted on your already existing wound, it can cause you more damage and this in return can make you lash out at your new partner or even make him/her want to pay for the offence your ex committed. Let go of yesterday’s hurt, pain and abuse. Only then are you qualified and certified whole and healthy to give another relationship a try.

Do you still cry when you remember the past hurt? Do you still feel bitterness towards your ex when you remember him or her? Then you’re still hurting. ‘How do I get healed if I’m still hurting?’ you may be asking. Let me help you with a few steps. Forgive yourself, forgive the person that hurt you (free them from the prison of your heart). Here, I say forgive…but don’t forget the lessons you learnt from the past hurt. For instance, if he used to abuse you or she cheated on you over and over before the relationship came to an end, forgive. You need this to move on, but don’t forget how to identify a ‘cheat’ or a man who enjoys abusing his partner, so you won’t fall prey to the same kind of person in future.

In healing from the past, love yourself unconditionally. Treat yourself like the king/queen that you are. Take yourself out and give YOU a nice treat. If no one is your VAL, be your own VAL. Look in the mirror and say all the nice things you want to hear about yourself. Learn to encourage and motivate yourself. This is because you can’t love someone else the way they deserve to be loved if you don’t love yourself well enough. You can’t give what you don’t have. Period!

In getting healed from the past, listen to music that ministers and feeds your soul. Songs are powerful, they have a way of touching the heart even the deepest part of it. Be sure to surround yourself with people that believe in you. You need them to forget the past and to move on.

‘It takes courage to love again when you have been hurt. The alternative is to give up on love. Don’t! Be brave to love and love again.’ – Anonymous

One thing I want you to know is that not every man is a cheat, not every woman is after your money. There are great individuals whose main concerns are your happiness and joy. Find and surround yourself with such individuals. You can only attract your quality in the opposite sex. You may not be able to attract diamond if all you’re stuffed up with is wood. Birds of the same feather flock together. It therefore means if you want a Prince, you have to become a Princess (and vice versa).

Before you start another relationship, be ready to give your best and be prepared to let your Maker be involved in it all because relationship was and still is His original idea and He is the best matchmaker ever. His record remains unbroken. That your ex left you is not the end of your life, it is the beginning of the best chapters of your life about to be written. I wait to read your love story.

Romance is big deal in Marriage

Melody was in a hurry, she had to be at the airport in the next three hours to catch her flight to Texas. She is billed to minister at an international family conference. Meanwhile a couple has been waiting in her office to see her for counseling; they have vowed not to leave until they see her. It looks like an emergency;her PA sent a message to her via blackberry messenger to inform her that the couple says they are just a few minutes away from divorce. The word ‘divorce’ struck Melody, she will have to see this couple and she hopes to be done in good time so she meets up with her flight.

‘Drive straight to my office, a couple needs me now’ she instructed her driver. It was not long before she arrived at her office and came face to face with the couple. They looked so young and beautiful together, ‘why on earth would you want out of your marriage?’ Melody asked the couple. The husband pointed to his wife, ‘she says I’m boring, she claims she was happier when she was single. I want her happiness. If letting her go will make her happy, I’m willing to do that’, he concluded looking more confused than sad.

Melody turned to the wife who was already in tears; she waited for her until she could find her voice. ‘He doesn’t understand me. He is not always there when I need him. He doesn’t know how to touch me the way I want to be touched. He doesn’t know how to feed my emotions. He often forgets I love to be hugged, touched and pampered. I hurt emotionally. I want out’ she blurted out.

‘What if he learns how to touch you, hold you and feed your emotions the way you want, will you stay and fight for your marriage?’, Melody asked. The woman’s face lightened up at the question, she looked straight at her husband’s face and looked back at Melody and gave an affirmative nod. Melody smiled as the husband made a sigh of relief.

Melody turned to the man, ’learn your wife’s love language and work with it’. She then faced the woman, ’Lauren, turn to your husband and tell him how you want to be loved and touched’. It was a touching moment as Lauren poured her heart out in tears to her husband of three years. Lamide couldn’t hold back the tears in his eyes as he watched and realized how the things his wife desire are so far apart from the way he has been treating her all these years. ‘I don’t just want us to have sex. I want us to make love always. I want you to care about how I feel when we do it. Not just about you getting satisfied but also being concerned enough to find out whether I enjoyed it or endured it’, Lauren concluded.

‘I am sorry, I never knew this was how I made you feel all this while and you never told me’, he lamented. ’You were always busy making money, too busy to notice how I feel’, she replied. They continued their dialogue and poured their hearts out as Melody watched on, it took them several minutes to notice that Melody was waiting for them to finish. She smiled at them, they are much better than how they were when she sighted them almost two hours ago.ighodalo

‘I recommend that you take a short vacation to rediscover yourselves. Learn each other’s idea of romance as well as each other’s love language’. Laugh, play and if possible cry together. You need to hold nothing back from each other’. ‘I look forward to seeing you stronger and better together when I come back from Texas’, Melody concluded as she prayed with the couple.

‘Mission accomplished’ Melody smiled at herself as she made her way to the international airport, another family had just been saved from divorce; she is living her purpose.

Guard your heart against Heart breakers

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Your heart is so precious and should not be toyed with. A lot of times we attract wrong people into our lives and then wonder why they treat us badly. Anyone who does not place value on you will not treat you well.

Let me start by asking you what value you place on yourself. A lot of times we see signs from a prospective heart breaker, yet we ignore them and reassure ourselves that what we feel for our partner is enough to take care of our relationship. Love should not be one sided. For a relationship to survive, affection and devotion must be mutual. It should be a two way thing. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic.

In a relationship, the communication line must be kept open. Are you both making effort to reach each other as often as you can or is the effort that of one person alone?  If she calls all the time and he never makes an effort to reciprocate unless when he needs something from her, he is a predator. If the only time she ‘flashes’ his phone or send text messages is when she wants something from him; she won’t last long in that relationship.
As a single person, if all your partner is asking for is sex and he/she can’t be disciplined enough to wait till you exchange marital vows. Watch it! You are courting a heart breaker.

If you have aborted for him once and he is still not ready for marriage but he keeps asking for sex, you are probably a play thing in his hands and he will soon do away with you.

A lot of us don’t know we need to first commit our hearts to God before we commit it to men. A man who has no regard for what God says about sex or sin will not find it difficult to cheat on you. Someone who keeps friends with womanizers and adulterers will soon tread that path if he does not change company.

It is good to admire the shape or the figure of that guy or babe but it is more rewarding to look out for the kind of future that person projects.

Let me conclude with the advice I usually give singles when they ask for counsel just as they are about to  start a new relationship; ‘Fall in love with your heart but don’t let your brain go to sleep while in love, open your eyes and be sure to observe and address all negative signs’. May you never be a victim of serial abuse!

The Woman Behind the Scene

This is for every great man about the woman in his life. It is a shout out to every first lady in the church, presidential villa or home. It is to that successful Pastor’s wife, that great President‘s wife who helped him complete his political term without his home tearing apart. Yes to that popular life coach’s wife who runs the home front successfully while her spouse joggles with endless conferences, board meetings and counseling sessions.

woman behind the scene(1)A lot of people feel this woman is lucky to be married to such a great man; on the contrary the man is the one blessed to be married to such a woman who keeps praying for him while he is in public. She fixes his meal, makes sure his briefs are clean and his clothes are well ironed for his next engagement. She attends to the kids alone while he may be away solving people’s problems. She is the woman who wakes up very early in the morning to make sure her household is well catered for especially her darling husband; she sleeps late at night after making sure everything in the household is in order and yes she has to make herself available for a ‘quickie’ if that is what her husband needs that night to add spice to his already ‘pressured’ day.

She may be fragile but she has been the invisible pillar holding the frame of the successful man you celebrate in public. Sometimes people forget to acknowledge her while giving kudos to her husband, she is a woman to be praised always, like the Proverbs 31 woman.

She is the one that tries to fix the mess that happens sometimes in her husband’s life; she is faced most times with how to manage the presence of numerous female fans in the life of her celebrity husband. The public may blame her when her husband is involved in a scandal but she is the woman who loves her husband unconditionally despite his flaws. She is the one who knows her husband’s weakness behind closed doors yet she is always there to encourage him, to strengthen him for greater exploits.

This is a woman that needs to be celebrated always by her husband. To every great man reading this, take time out now to say beautiful things to that woman behind the scene, because you know she has helped to make sure your life doesn’t tear apart. Buy her something special even if it’s not expensive. Take her out, occasional dinner out is a good idea. We are approaching the festive season, what special plans do you have to say thank you to that great woman who has dotted the ‘I’s and crossed the ‘T’s of your life? Don’t wait till another man appreciates and sweeps her off her feet before you know how to appreciate what you have. You are a great man and so blessed to have such a priceless treasure as the love of your life! I celebrate you and your woman!

My Blog Has moved

Dear Beautiful Souls,

This is to officially inform you that this @naijablog 2013 Best Relationship Award winning blog http://www.embodimentofgrace.wordpress.com has moved to http://www.embodimentofgrace.com .

The new blog is bigger, better and finer. You will have opportunity to download my relationship podcast free of charge to your mobile device, tablets, laptops and desktop from the new blog . You will also enjoy all the live tweets from #WhenSinglesGather which is our monthly Singles Tweet Conference live on twitter. There is much more… join me as we move over to the next level. It has been great connecting with you on this platform, let’s do it better on http://www.embodimentofgrace.com . To over 2,500 followers of this blog, I cannot thank you enough. God bless you greatly. Grace Festus-Alao

Loving the unloving Spouse

Leah by circumstance found herself in the house of Jacob. She was married to Jacob who didn’t love her but loved her younger sister instead. The sad part of it is that Jacob did not hide it to Leah that she was not wanted or needed around him. Leah remained unloved by her husband even after giving birth to male children for him. This means for every good deed or service Leah renders at home, she is never appreciated by her husband. He never comments on her beauty neither does he notice when she has a good dress on yet Leah was patient, she maintained her calmness and never gave up on herself because she was rejected by her husband.

Abigail was another woman who suffered emotional abuse from her husband. Her husband Nabal was bad with words. He talked anyhow even to David the warrior who killed Goliath; so it was not a big deal to him to molest his wife with words and actions. A lot of women and men today have found themselves in marriages where their spouse has stopped loving them. Some are at the verge of throwing in the towel. Just before you give up on that marriage, please remember all the investments you have put in.
goodness in one hit
A word for singles here; please be observant in your courtship. If you’re in courtship with someone and you notice that his/her love for you has diminished, don’t overlook it. Call for a meeting between you two and talk about it like adults. A lot of couples have managed relationships that need to be done away with and have headed for the aisle instead of being a little more patient to know whether there is a future for such relationship.

Now back to the married couple, I have a word here for the unloved spouse. Love is patient. God saw how Leah was treated badly and honored her, He preserved her life and made her to be buried where Patriachs in her husband’s lineage where buried while her husband’s other wife died prematurely. Abigail’s husband was killed by God for treating Abigail and other people wrongly. Abigail was then able to marry King David, man who loved and cared for her (I Samuel 25). Woman, God sees your pain, he sees how badly hurt you are in that marriage. Man, God sees how badly your wife treats you and he is displeased.

A word of caution here: if you are physically abused in that relationship, please cry out for help because your case may need temporal/permanent separation. Physical abuse is awful and has led to death of many people.

God will not forget your labour of love; He will plead your cause and your latter end will be sweet. If in the end your spouse does not change and you feel divorce is the best option, please seek audience with a seasoned marriage counselor before you make your final decision. Above all, find ways to make yourself happy, be friends with people who bring out the best in you. Your end will be seasoned with laughter.

PRE-MARITAL COUNSELLING: BLESSING IN DISGUISE By @Grace_Festus #WhenSinglesGather July Edition

 

THE FEAR OF LOVE By @rosemary_ajuka #WhenSinglesGather July Edition