The lover’s Heart

love

This is a blog for every man that must be read by the woman in his life. It is a love letter from a precious wife to her great husband. It is an outpouring of every word she has in mind to her lover.

Do you think we should call any man “good” who dares lift up his hand to slap his wife? The woman was specially created to add beauty to her man’s life but when you men refuse to adore and treat us with tender care, how do you want us to respond? The man is naturally created to be a giver, which simply means he only receives double if not more of what he gives his woman. Give love to your woman and earn unlimited joy. Shower her with praise and see her treat you like the King you are. Respect her and she will guard your life with all she’s got.

“I remember one of the text messages I sent to my spouse some years ago, it reads, “Give me a house and I’ll turn it into a home for you; give me a chapter of your dream book and I’ll deliver a best seller book to you, plant your seed in me and I’ll give you great kids in return; give me just little money and I’ll cook a king’s delicacy for you; give me daily smiles and I’ll make you happy all the days of your life. Proverbs 31:12.”

That was an excerpt from my book, Embodiment of Grace: What every woman should be to her man

Every good husband should be a great lover. A good husband is the man who is up to the task of making his wife happy. Every woman is beautiful; it only takes the lover’s touch of her man sometimes to bring back the faded beauty. Some women are living in misery today because they fell in the hands of the “bad men”. Embedded in every man is goodness and greatness, all you need to do is treat that woman of yours with all sweetness. Do not forget to always tickle the girl in her. She really wants to be carried at times and do not forget to buy her gifts. I hope you still remember the gifts she loves after all you courted her before marrying her. She wants to be carried on your back. And oh she needs you to be more romantic and be her boyfriend all over again. This is because she loves to play with you. Throw the pillows, walk hand-in-hand in the garden, go for vacation together. Let her take a day off from the kitchen once in a while, you can decide to take her out for dinner or lunch. Date that woman of yours all over again.

Your woman needs you to fall in love with her over and over. She only needs you to never stop loving her through the thick and thin. She needs you not to keep secrets, it hurts her when you don’t trust her enough with your struggles and defeat; and this is because she wants to comfort you being your number one cheer leader. She knows you are human and needs help at times. She is always there waiting for you to lean on her shoulder when your strength can no longer carry you.

Who say men don’t cry? Your wife wants to wipe those tears away before they find their way down your cheeks, she wants to always soothe your pains away ; only that you keep shutting her out of your life. You are her hero, mentor and role model. She wants to share your sad moment and celebrate your victory with you. So she needs to hear that she is very important in your life and comes before the kids. She does not want to be relegated or substituted. She wants to be re-assured always that she is your “one and only” and still occupies the hottest spot in your heart. Most importantly, she wants to grow old with you finishing strong.

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Lessons from Delilah

delilah 

Let me start by reminding you that Delilah was specifically asked to seduce Samson and she did just that. She has ever since been immortalized for that great feat, conquering a great man. Every husband is great inclusive of yours and every man wants his wife to be his “seductress”. If you are not able to keep seducing your spouse, some else will do it, and a man’s mind has the ability to keep remembering the one who has the power to get him easily aroused. I hope you are aware that men are easily aroused by what they see and are usually captivated by what arouses them? So a wife who easily arouses her spouse is a woman whose husband will keep remembering every hour of the day. Have you ever been in love that your lover keeps calling you on phone at intervals just to hear your voice or to simply say “I love you”?                                                                                                                          What simply happened then is that he just can’t stop thinking about you. Most women have lost their homes because they are too holy to play “the harlot” or mistress to their husbands. For Christ’s sake, he is your husband, don’t dress like a warrior who is fully kitted while going to bed. The fact is if he is not tempted by you at all, he will outside. In the words of Bisi Adewale, President of College of Marital Success, “You cannot keep a man who your outlook cannot captivate”.

 Why not occupy your man’s mind thoroughly by displaying all for him least he satisfies his appetite outside. Wear things he loves for him in the bedroom, read books on how to be a “terrific wife”. Spice up your sex life with your spouse, don’t be a dull partner. Ways in which you can seduce your spouse include your wears (wear seductive clothes only for him at home), treat him like a King (every man is the king of his home).Don’t deny him your body. A man will easily stick to the woman that treats him right, if you don’t treat him right, someone outside is begging to do so and will in turn keep your spouse, God forbid! Cook him nice meals. A Nigeria adage says, “The way to a man’s heart is his belly”. Open the tap of your brain, think of what you can cook with what you have and ‘oops’ please know your husband’s best meals. It may mean going an extra mile to get his favorite meal ready but please do it so as not to lose his heart; it will make him love you more.

Delilah exposed Samson’s secrets to his enemies. Every man wants a woman who can be his confidant and keep his secrets. Delilah missed it at that point. Do not announce to the world or your friends information confided in you by your spouse, so as not to lose your home. Have a treasure vault in your heart or brain where you can keep vital information about your relationship or love life with your spouse. Records have shown friends losing spouses to each other simply because they have talked too much about some things about their spouses’ private lives that supposed not to be exposed. They have in turn given out their treasure to the swine.

You have to discover your spouse’s strength. Delilah took time to know her lover’s strength only that she used it against him. Study your spouse and know his strength areas, read him like a book. Then, try as much as possible to strengthen him in that area, contribute positively to make him better. You should also know his weakness so as to help him overcome it if possible or manage it to the minimum level.

The greatest book of wisdom, Bible, made us understand that Delilah tormented Samson in other to get the needed information from him. Men hate when their wives nag and torment them. When we nag our men, we push them out. The more we nag or torment them, the farther we push them away. Men love peace and will always pitch their tents with any woman who gives them such. Your man may not have it all today to give you but learn how to appreciate the little he was able to do in the past. A grateful heart never lacks, it is natural. You lose respect when you nag. There is a way of getting your request across without nagging. The reason why harlots easily rip off men is because they make their requests known when giving the men the pleasure they need. It is a give and take. Men naturally are built to give regardless of how rich their wives are but your man may never give you if you ask him the wrong way. We are naturally built to respond to appreciation, so when you appreciate for the little he did in the past even if he did nothing, “haba”, he will be propelled to do more.

On a last note, Delilah put Samson’s head on her laps. Wow! That is an “Almighty formula”. Learn to put your husband’s head on your lap. She turned her lap to his pillow no wonder he surrendered his total strength to her. Putting his head on your lap means providing a beautiful, quiet and stress-less place of abode for him where he can rest from the stress of the day. The sad news is that the opposite is the case in most homes, instead of giving him rest; he receives stress in return. This has chased lot of men into the arms of Delilah out there who is ever waiting to accommodate a man whose wife has denied care, love, attention, romance and peace.

In the words of David O. Adeoye from his book titled: Busy-ness or Business, “…If the atmosphere of your home is not healthy enough to revitalize you, you’ll always go to work tired and wounded. Whenever you leave the market place as a business person discouraged, you are supposed to get back the next day encouraged. If you left wounded, you are supposed to get back healed”.

Let’s learn the good lessons from Delilah and abstain from her negative attitudes least we lose the men we love to the woman we hate (Delilah).

Let the wounds heal…

wounded 

“I will never love again”, Ladi stated emphatically as he bore his heart to his best friend Kola who was tired of telling him to move on and forget his supposed fiancee who ditched him a month to their wedding. That exactly was six years ago when Lauren called to tell Ladi that their dream of being together as husband and wife was over. It was a rude shock for him but he kept convincing himself that it was a joke and that his babe would eventually change her mind. Six years after, he still lived in the illusion that his once fiancee  Lauren who he has refused any form of contact with him will one day change her mind and if not, then he won’t marry anyone else.

“She was my first love”, he kept telling anyone that cared to listen; “and she will remain my only love.” he usually concludes. “Can’t you see that she does not love you again?” Kola asked him. “She never stopped loving me,” he snapped. “It is so obvious that you do not want to face reality friend, if she loves you enough, she will never have walked out of your life one month to your wedding”, Kola told his friend. Ladi shook his head, no one seems to understand him, they don’t know how much he hurts for Lauren. She is everything and more of what he ever dreamt for in a wife. She brought beauty to his life when she came in and it seems she has taken away the same beauty the day she walked out. When she announced the ‘call-off’ of their relationship, he had run to her house to beg her, he remembered crying his heart out that she meant the world to him, but Lauren seems to have made up her mind. She said it was just over and marriage between them would not work. It was some months later that he heard she got married to someone else. Ladi couldn’t bring himself to love someone else because he believed that a tangible part of him had gone with Lauren. Gosh, he gave that relationship his best. And to think of it, he had already bought her wedding dress. Lauren had the wedding dress parceled back to him. He still has the dress in his closet and he usually check out the dress with tears in his eyes, hoping and praying that Lauren would one day come back to her senses and elegantly walk down the aisle with him.

Much as the above is a fiction, there are lot of people whose hearts have been broken like Ladi and have refused to go on in life, hoping for a sweet yesterday that will never come. It is okay to get injured but it is bad to remain wounded for life. Someone may toy with your feelings once but never allow him/her cage your heart forever; let the pains of yesterday go. It hurts to go through disappointment but it hurts more to refuse to get over the disappointment.

In same vein, there are lots of men/women whose spouse walked out of their marriage and this has left them devastated. It is so painful to feel betrayed by one’s spouse after putting so much in a marriage but it is more awful to remain sad for the rest of your life. Learn to forgive your spouse and yourself. Some people blame themselves for things that go wrong. It is okay to take the blame for whatever wrong that happened but it is not okay to blame yourself forever. Forgive yourself and let the wounds heal. Can you for once remember the good you did? Can you please try to celebrate yourself today, make yourself happy and let’s see how that will affect how you feel? Can you try to take yourself out, treat ‘you’ to a nice time and for once forget the misery you went through in that relationship? Sweetheart, there is always ‘the light’ waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. Don’t give up on life simply because s/he walked out of that relationship or because you failed that job interview or lose the contract. No one has the power to make you sad without your consent. It is okay to cry over a sweet relationship turned sour but you have an obligation to get over the bitter past and live for a beautiful tomorrow. Loaded in your tomorrow is a package of beautiful life, don’t trade it with your untreated wounded heart, so let yesterday go, forget the past and determine to live again. You have a right not to love again because you lost a beloved spouse or had your heart broken but you will do yourself no good by refusing to let the wound heal. So, get the healing balm, take yourself out, keep good company, listen to good music, read great books /articles; watch inspiring films and be positive about life. You will succeed!