Too close for comfort?


Feyintola had told Bibi that their dinner tonight was a special one as he has something interesting to tell her. Bibi took her time dressing, hoping he will pop up the proposal question, “will you marry me?” She has long waited for this day. She had known Feyin since she was a child. They practically grew up together and he has always treated her right. They went to same elementary school and ended up in same college. He even advised her to apply to same higher institution as his. Although he was a year ahead of her in school, he prepares the ground down for her. He was always there to teach her any difficult subject and this she is ever grateful for. When she gained admission into the University, Feyin became her regular visitor as expected and everyone that knew her concluded she was in a relationship. All along Feyin never ceased to take her out, he appreciates her with gifts and Bibi has come to idolize him. He was special because he sure knows how to take care of a woman. And while in the University, guys generally get scared of coming around the beautiful Bibi because she is always in the company of Feyin when not attending lectures. They are always together. Bibi’s final year in university was somehow boring since Feyin had graduated then but he was always calling her, he made it a point of duty to talk to her every morning, afternoon and night; if not that Bibi loved him so much, she would have said he almost choked her up with his calls. Just last week, Feyin had called that he was through with his one year youth service and will be taking her out to dinner tonight because he has an important information for her.

Feyin arrived in his Toyota Camry and held out his arms for her, she embrace him and held on to him tightly as if her life depends on him. “I miss you dearly”, she heard herself say. “I miss you too Princess”. He wouldn’t want them to waste time as he has important news to tell her. She too couldn’t wait as he half-dragged her into his car. They head to a big restaurant on the Island, her favourite. She placed order as usual as she waits for him for what her ears have been itching for.

“I’ll be getting married in a couple of months”, Feyin declared. Bibi smiled waiting for him to bring out the engagement ring. “I really want you to meet my fiancée, Angel; I have told her how great a friend you are to me…” Bibi couldn’t believe her ears, it all looked like a nightmare, so Feyin has been in a more serious relationship with someone else other than her. Bibi couldn’t wait to hear the rest of his romantic tale as she passed out for shock of what she just heard.

A lot of singles do not define their relationships. Being so close to the opposite sex should have a reason.  Are you both dating, in courtship or just friends? Do not assume you both are dating when both of you are silent about it. Being so close to someone of the opposite sex for years without defining what you both are into is foolishness. If the guy is not talking, the babe should give him space, and when he asks for cause of change in attitude, tell him to define the relationship. Do not enter a blind relationship because it leads to the ditch. Open your eyes wide and know what you are entering into because love is not blind. That you are close to someone does not mean he/she has the intention of settling down with you, so be outspoken don’t assume, ask questions when you don’t know what is going on. If you have feelings towards someone, treat the person right and with time try to know whether the feelings is mutual. And if is not mutual but you are convinced you are in love with the right person, give it time, true love never fails.

There is however a whole lot of difference between friendship, dating and courtship. In all these, we must learn to treat the person of the opposite sex right. Treat the person the way you would want your spouse to be treated by the opposite sex in case your current relationship does not work out. It is morally wrong to double date. Whatever you do, you will reap for the law of harvest does not fail. You should treat a friend the way you want your siblings to be treated, don’t take advantage of them.

You could ask someone out to talk and get to know more about the person, maybe you want to see whether you could share similarities, it’s possible to date someone for months. This could involve going to nice places where you could talk, mingle with other people, so as to see his/her relational skills with people. A period of dating helps you discover a lot of things about the person you are going out with. It opens you to his/her likes/dislikes. Courtship is a period of knowing more about the person you have already agreed to marry. It is advisable that courtship should not be too short because it takes years before you can confidently claim you know all about someone not to talk of someone you just date for months. It is important to state here that sex should not be tried at all during friendship, dating and courtship. Sex is for marriage because it is a strong covenant between the man and his wife. If he/she loves you truly, he/she will wait till you are married before the relationship is consummated.

Don’t joke with expensive utterances like, “I love you”, “you mean the world to me”, “and Life is incomplete without you”. Ladies take words seriously so don’t say it to the opposite sex if you don’t mean it. Promises of love are like bonds. So don’t say it if you are not ready to be committed to it.

The question is; have you defined that relationship you are into? Are you just friends? Is he dating you or you are both in courtship? Never assume what you have not verbally confirmed. He/she may just be too close for comfort. If he is not dating you or in serious relationship with you, never let him/her disturb someone who is interested in you from coming closer. Don’t let him/her be unnecessary canopy over you. Don’t let your “assumed” relationship scare your future spouse from proposing. If he/she is choking you with unnecessary closeness, tell him/her politely, say it and don’t be rude about it. Friendship is precious and must be cherished while it lasts but do not assume you are in relationship with someone when both of you have not agreed on such. You will succeed!




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