I had a time of loneliness few months after I got married. The kind of house my spouse and I desired to live after we got married was some distance away from where we both worked. We loved the house and thought the distance won’t cause any problem until few months after we got married. My spouse would drive for hours to and fro work every day and this weighed down on him. Later on he decided to just be coming home like twice a week because he also has to minister in church at the midweek service and church was closer to his work place than home. I had dreamt of having a spouse that would be around me almost every hour of the day…such huge expectation you think? So, the less of my spouse I see daily; the more devastated I become. I became so lonely. I have family members around who check on me when I come back from work at night but that couldn’t fill the void my spouse left. It was at this period in my life that I discovered that I had placed so much expectation on my spouse about him being around me all the time and oops he can’t meet up with the expectation because he’s human. It was then I found out that I had given my spouse more priority than an ever present friend, God.
Don’t get it twisted, I had been a Christian all along, but I had actually taken the fact that marriage is a three great cord, lightly. The cord comprises of God, man and his wife; not husband and wife only. It is beautifully put in the bestselling book of Bishop T.D. Jakes, The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord.
Every member of this cord has their functions and when one of them is excluded, the vacuum will be felt. It was at this time, I discovered that God will always be there whenever my spouse is not. Loneliness is not cured by the presence of another person in your life. Once you cannot overcome loneliness while single, you may be married yet remain lonely. You can be so busy alone and feel as if you have a company of a whole lot of people with you. Build your self esteem. If you are struggling with loneliness while alone, you may still be lonely in the company of lot of friends. The presence of God in your life fills great vacuum and His Spirit teaches all things including how to handle your relationship.
I was able to overcome this period of my life through God’s help. My spouse and I had to re-strategize our lives since he also want his wife to be happy always. We had to move to another house, though it was not extraordinary place like the initial house, but it took care of the proximity between our places of work, house and church. It also helped our effectiveness and efficiency in all ramifications because the home is not far any more for any one of us.
If you are married but do all things as if you are a single parent because the other partner is not always there….. If you have to make all the important decisions in the home front alone because he/she is not always available….maybe the kids don’t even recognize him/his authority because they hardly see him because of his tight schedule….He never even knows the kids need him at the next PTA because he never get bothered about their school activities…Dear, if all these and more are what you experience despite your married status, take it from me, you are married but living as a single.
Marriage is partnership and not a sole proprietorship thing. Get your spouse in the boat, you are meant to cruise together, don’t go solo. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him or seek help from trusted counselors and mentors. Get connected back to your wife; keep the flame of that love hot and burning. Don’t die in silence. Two good heads are better than one; don’t give yourself headache trying to make a vital decision alone which concerns the whole family. Your presence is more important than the regular presents you buy for her, she needs you. He needs you to understand him more…see into his heart now that you are in his life. Spice up your spouse’s life; make it better than you met it.
Don’t get married because you want to overcome loneliness…overcome it before you get married less your bore your partner with your regular mood swings. Marriage is team work; don’t play ball on the pitch alone when you already have team mates. Your spouse and God are your team mates…the absence of any of the team members may permit the enemy to score against you!