Before you break her heart…

Greg had made his mind, there’s certainly no going back. He definitely does not feel anything for Lauren again. The flame of their love has been blown away by the whirl wind. The more he tried to rekindle their love, the more he seems to be attracted to a new woman, Lucy.

Greg and Lauren have been living together for five years, they have an adorable baby girl they both named Angel. They were lovebirds at first sight and never for once tried hiding their feelings for each other for whoever cares to see. However, Lauren’s parents never supported the relationship from on set and this created a lot of troubles for them when they were ready to settle down. Both of them however feel life isn’t complete until they are in each other’s company, so Lauren moved into Greg’s house against her parents’ wish and blessings. They both concluded that the wedding could be on hold till her parents give their consents. Few months after they started co-habiting, Lauren got pregnant and Greg spoilt her silly. They are both graduates, Lauren works with a telecommunications company while her beau runs his own oil business. They were ‘in money’ and so since they were both independent they decided they cannot be held bound by any parent. In the trimester stage of her pregnancy she lost it due to stress at work. Greg thus asked her to stop work at this time so as to have enough rest. She later conceived again and gave birth to their only child. During childbirth, she had complications but she was lucky enough to be alive with her adorable baby girl. The doctor thus advised that she must avoid being pregnant again if she wants to still stay alive. The joy of childbirth was so much at that time that the couple did not give weight to the doctor’s advice until when Angel was two years and Greg wants a baby boy.

Of what value is the wealth he is accumulating if there is no male heir who will continue his name, he asked himself. He discussed the issue with Lauren and this did not go down well with her as it seems to her that her spouse is so obsessed with having a male child than having her alive. They argued and disagreed on the issue and it tore their hearts apart. Lauren, as at that time has not reconciled with her parents who have vowed to have nothing to do with their supposed son-in-law.
Greg changed his attitudes towards Lauren hoping that will make her change her mind by ‘giving him a male child’, oh don’t get it twisted, he loves his daughter, Angel so much but he is in dire need of a male child.

It was during this period that Greg met Lucy, a business tycoon. He wasn’t so much attracted to her at first because he still has Lauren so much in his heart, but the more Lauren drift away from him because of his male child obsession, the more he falls into Lucy’s hands who never seems to deny him anything, even her body. If he continues like this with Lucy, she may probably get pregnant for him and maybe give him a male child.

The news of Greg in love with another woman did not go down well with Lauren. All odds seem to be working against her. First of all, she invested a lot in the start up of his oil business. Secondly, their relationship is not legally or religiously binding since there was no marriage whatsoever between them. The third is that her parents are in discord with her for going against their wish in her marital choice. Fourthly, she is currently jobless; this is because she had to leave her career to enable her reduce stress so as not to experience another miscarriage. She and Greg however agreed that she should still stay at home after childbirth to properly look after their baby girl. She has therefore stayed at home till when Greg decided their relationship has come to an end.

Lauren knew she could not afford to be a single parent, she could not afford to be alone, she really has to talk it out with her man. She had a great talk with him and discovered that he is no more interested in their relationship. He however told her that she could still be living in same house with him provided she won’t have issue with his new woman, Lucy living with them because that is whom his heart now belongs to. Lauren is heartbroken and needs advice on what to do:

Co-habitation is what Greg and Lauren practiced, that is, they both lived together as if married without any legal or religious sanctions. Too bad, there is no even option of divorce for Lauren as there was no marriage in the first place. The significance of Parental blessings in a marital relationship cannot be over-emphasized. Even if your parents are of different belief, you need their consents and blessings for your marriage. They may disagree with your opinion on the onset but if you have made the right choice, give them some time, many waters cannot quench love. The heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord (Holy Scriptures). Rushing into marriage without your parental blessings and approval is ungodly and morally wrong.

It is cowardice for a man to harbor a woman in his house like a wife without performing any marital rite on her. It is foolishness on the side of a lady to start living in a man’s house as his wife without walking down the aisle with him. You are just room-mates and he can walk you out of his life when he is fed up with you without any legal consequence.

To every ‘Lucy’ out there, if a man leaves his woman/mother of his kid(s) at home saying he is no more in love with her but with you, watch it. He will do same to you and go after another woman when he gets tired of you.

A word to Greg: before you break Lauren’s heart, put yourself in her shoes and ponder on this question: Would you be happy if same was done to you or your beloved sister?

Greg would be practicing polygamy if Lauren decides to stay in the relationship when Lucy comes to live in with them .No real man can boastfully say he is having a great time in a polygamous union. Polygamy shatter hearts; it hurts kids and destroys homes.

To you dear single man that have aborted for several ladies after giving them ‘false promises’ of marriage, now you want to settle down and you are scouting for a virgin; remember that “whatever a man sows, he will surely reap”. (Galatians 6:7)

In conclusion: No child, whether male or female is inferior to the other. Both are God’s creation and when raised well can be great reformers, agent of change and great leader. More so, God wants us to love our spouse with or without the presence of offspring. He however has great promises for us, that none of his own will be barren.


When Mothers turn Murderers








A peep into Jacob’s life in Genesis 27 shows that he deceived his father to steal his elder brother’s blessings, all thanks to his mother Rebecca who conceived and helped in the execution of the ‘deceit mission’. In his flight to avoid his brother’s anger, his mum further advised him to flee to Uncle Laban, the slave master. Jacob served under him with hard labor for twenty years (fourteen years to pay the bride price of his heartthrob, Rachael; the remaining six years to gather wealth Genesis 31:41).  Jacob’s elder brother, Esau would have killed him in vengeance if not for God’s mercy.


An abortion of a great destiny can also occurred during the reign of wise King Solomon when one harlot slept on her baby and  made an attempt to claim the living baby of her co-harlot (I Kings 3:16-27). Same way, lot of single ladies/women has aborted unwanted babies. Some even claim that the babies are still in the formation stage and so they are still foetus  Whatever name you decide to call it, it is murder. Who knows, a lot of future presidents, world reformers and change agents have been “flushed” away by these “unready” mothers. Would you have existed if your mother had decided to abort you rather than give birth to you?

 Accolades should go to great mothers like Mary, the mother of JESUS who encouraged her son to perform his first miracle of turning water to wine at the wedding in Cana of Galilee (John 2).  A mother has been divinely endowed to encourage her child to be the best and not otherwise. A great testimony of the positive influence of a good mother is that of Sonya Carson, the mother of Ben Carson. In his book, The Gifted Hands, Ben narrated how his mum believed in him and through her positive affirmations about his future helped him become the best neurosurgeon in our time. Most children today are suffering from curses placed on them by their mothers. Such mothers have forgotten that “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.”

 Jabez’s mother sealed his destiny by naming him after the troubles and trials surrounding his birth, she had no hope in his future. It took Jabez a prevailing prayer time out in God’s presence for his life to be changed. (I Chronicles 4:9-10). A mother has power to determine the fate of her child, her tongue is coated with authority and whatever she declares into her child’s life have a way of coming to pass.  “Can a mother forget the child of her suckling?” (Isaiah 49:15). Every mother is like a potter and her children are like clay in her hands, she has the opportunity of teaching her kids their first words, walks and witness their first smile.  That actually means whatever a mother knows is what she will teach her kids.  Mothers are great assets to their children’s lives and so we need to be careful what we invest into the lives of our kids. Let’s make kings and queens out of them. Do not let us murder their future by teaching them the wrong steps. We are just caretakers and are accountable to God how we raise our kids. Let our kids look back years later and thank God for having us as their mothers just as it was said to the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:28, “Her children arise up, and call her blessed”.


If only I am still single…

Mimi walked into her room tiredly only to meet a dirty, disorganized state of her luggage and properties….oh, she had forgotten that she turned her wardrobe upside down earlier in the morning when she was looking for something important. ‘Oh my God…too much of responsibilities in this house’, she half screamed.

She is barely eighteen and had gotten married to her heartthrob, Quinn three months ago when her pregnancy was almost five months. Her father would not want her to stay under his roof anymore since she is expecting a baby. And “gosh”, she had to defer her admission into the university, got married in a hurry at the registry and moved over to Quinn’s parents’ house immediately. The interesting part is that her husband, young Quinn who just celebrated his twentieth birthday has gone back to school immediately after the registry ceremony. He talks to her every day on the phone; he however talks less with her these days and she has begin to get worried since his love has been the fuel that kept her going….only if she had waited before having sex with him. Now her education has to be put on hold… she had missed her friends. She seems not to be ready for this new phase of her life.

Her in-laws didn’t make things so easy for her either, since her spouse does not have a home of his own yet, she had to put up with her in-laws. Oh, how they complain so much of her being lazy. The worst part of it is when she is hungry at times in the wee hours of the morning and she has to fix her own meal before the family meal gets ready. She can’t even fix a good nice meal. All through their friendship, Quinn had always taken her out to eateries and restaurants. She has never even tried fixing him a meal before. Only if her dad had allowed her stay more time under his roof, how she wish she has her mother still around her who always cover up for her.

She sat down on the heap of clothes on her bed. It is so obvious…she is too young to be married. Is she too young to be married or not domestically inclined? Which one is her folly? Oh “Am I too young to be in love?”, “Definitely No”; she asked and answered herself almost same time.

It is one thing to be in love, it is another thing to nurture the love to grow and get matured before getting married. The fact just remained that she’s married but not matured.

She looked at herself all over, she is a complete mess. She doesn’t even think she is equipped enough to ‘mother’ a baby successfully. She can’t fix good meals, she can’t make major decision on her own, she does not even have a job…she has to stop school to dash into marriage prematuredly. And she vowed “till death do us part”….just three months into the union, she is bitter with herself because she is not prepared for this phase of life she just found herself. How she wishes she was single all over again; at least she will learn more about the institution of marriage before jumping into it. How she hope she has read books about marriage and family life. If only her dad would take her back… If only she can move back the hands of time….If only she was single all over again…

Every phase of life has been designed by God to enjoyed and not endured. Problem steps in when we are in a hurry to jump from one phase of life to another. That you are single now is not a crime, it is a blessing. Every phase of life is loaded with its own blessings and should be enjoyed maximally.

When I was still single, I sang, danced, reached out to touch lives and excelled in my academics and career; although I once had a failed courtship, I never gave up, rather that got me geared up to have the best relationship. I went back to my drawing board and discovered it was better to have a failed courtship than a failed marriage. It was at that period in my life that I had time to read Rick Warren’s bestselling book; The Purpose Driven Life and wow that affected my life positively. I got so fuelled up to be the best in every area of my life. I was busy enjoying, fulfilling purpose when my spouse came along. He met me a happy, vibrant and ‘vision-consumed’ woman.

Today, I get so inspired when I hear my young in-laws and protégés tell me they want to be like me when they grow up. Men, am not there yet as I am still evolving and I am determined to be the best wife and mother in my generation. I am happy to be married to the man God has blessed me with and so delighted that I didn’t skip or jump my ‘spinsterhood’ days; I passed through that phase of my life gleaning every lesson I could. I am still learning and as I look back to my ‘single’ days, am so full of gratitude to God because it was beautifully maximized.

Don’t live your ‘single’ life in a hurry…rather use it to prepare for the future ahead. Why are you in a hurry to get married when you will be married for the rest of your life once you tie the marital knot? Don’t rush into marriage so as not to rush out, don’t let anyone chase you into it and don’t push yourself into what you are not ready for.

You not only need to be matured physically to get married, you must also be matured financially and spiritually. God said it is not good for a man to be alone…not a boy (Genesis 2:18).
Get matured, grow up, why are you in a hurry to have sex when you will be very free to do that as many times as possible when you get married. You may decide to ‘tie’ a man down with your pregnancy now but you may not be able to keep him forever with it; it takes more than that to secure a great relationship. You will excel.