If only I am still single…

Mimi walked into her room tiredly only to meet a dirty, disorganized state of her luggage and properties….oh, she had forgotten that she turned her wardrobe upside down earlier in the morning when she was looking for something important. ‘Oh my God…too much of responsibilities in this house’, she half screamed.

She is barely eighteen and had gotten married to her heartthrob, Quinn three months ago when her pregnancy was almost five months. Her father would not want her to stay under his roof anymore since she is expecting a baby. And “gosh”, she had to defer her admission into the university, got married in a hurry at the registry and moved over to Quinn’s parents’ house immediately. The interesting part is that her husband, young Quinn who just celebrated his twentieth birthday has gone back to school immediately after the registry ceremony. He talks to her every day on the phone; he however talks less with her these days and she has begin to get worried since his love has been the fuel that kept her going….only if she had waited before having sex with him. Now her education has to be put on hold…..how she had missed her friends. She seems not to be ready for this new phase of her life.

Her in-laws didn’t make things so easy for her either, since her spouse does not have a home of his own yet, she had to put up with her in-laws. Oh, how they complain so much of her being lazy. The worst part of it is when she is hungry at times in the wee hours of the morning and she has to fix her own meal before the family meal gets ready. She can’t even fix a good nice meal. All through their friendship, Quinn had always taken her out to eateries and restaurants. She has never even tried fixing him a meal before. Only if her dad had allowed her stay more time under his roof, how she wish she has her mother still around her who always cover up for her.

She sat down on the heap of clothes on her bed. It is so obvious…she is too young to be married. Is she too young to be married or not domestically inclined? Which one is her folly? Oh “Am I too young to be in love?”, “Definitely No”; she asked and answered herself almost same time.

It is one thing to be in love, it is another thing to nurture the love to grow and get matured before getting married. The fact just remained that she’s married but not matured.

She looked at herself all over, she is a complete mess. She doesn’t even think she is equipped enough to ‘mother’ a baby successfully. She can’t fix good meals, she can’t make major decision on her own, she does not even have a job…she has to stop school to dash into marriage prematuredly. And she vowed “till death do us part”….just three months into the union, she is bitter with herself because she is not prepared for this phase of life she just found herself. How she wishes she was single all over again; at least she will learn more about the institution of marriage before jumping into it. How she hope she has read books about marriage and family life. If only her dad would take her back… If only she can move back the hands of time….If only she was single all over again…

Every phase of life has been designed by God to enjoyed and not endured. Problem steps in when we are in a hurry to jump from one phase of life to another. That you are single now is not a crime, it is a blessing. Every phase of life is loaded with its own blessings and should be enjoyed maximally.

When I was still single, I sang, danced, reached out to touch lives and excelled in my academics and career; although I once had a failed courtship, I never gave up, rather that got me geared up to have the best relationship. I went back to my drawing board and discovered it was better to have a failed courtship than a failed marriage. It was at that period in my life that I had time to read Rick Warren’s bestselling book; The Purpose Driven Life and wow that affected my life positively. I got so fuelled up to be the best in every area of my life. I was busy enjoying, fulfilling purpose when my spouse came along. He met me a happy, vibrant and ‘vision-consumed’ woman.

Today, I get so inspired when I hear my young in-laws and protégés tell me they want to be like me when they grow up. Men, am not there yet as I am still evolving and I am determined to be the best wife and mother in my generation. I am happy to be married to the man God has blessed me with and so delighted that I didn’t skip or jump my ‘spinsterhood’ days; I passed through that phase of my life gleaning every lesson I could. I am still learning and as I look back to my ‘single’ days, am so full of gratitude to God because it was beautifully maximized.

Don’t live your ‘single’ life in a hurry…rather use it to prepare for the future ahead. Why are you in a hurry to get married when you will be married for the rest of your life once you tie the marital knot? Don’t rush into marriage so as not to rush out, don’t let anyone chase you into it and don’t push yourself into what you are not ready for.

You not only need to be matured physically to get married, you must also be matured financially and spiritually. God said it is not good for a man to be alone…not a boy (Genesis 2:18).
Get matured, grow up, why are you in a hurry to have sex when you will be very free to do that as many times as possible when you get married. You may decide to ‘tie’ a man down with your pregnancy now but you may not be able to keep him forever with it; it takes more than that to secure a great relationship. You will excel.


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