intimate Strangers

ImageRichie and Rachael had met on the social media. A popular Relationship Coach was discussing a very important relationship topic with an interesting hash tag which became a trend that day on twitter. Rachael has been captivated with Richie’s brilliant contribution on the hash tag and she had to commend him. In fact, he got lot of new followers that day on twitter of which Rachael was one of them. Ever since she has always looked forward to his tweets, she took it as a point of duty to always comment about his tweets. This caught his attention and he started following her too on twitter. That was how the attraction started.

Their spirits seems to connect, the feelings were mutual, and so they became friends. Richie works in South Africa while Rachael is in Nigeria. After six months of online dating (because they only see each other via Skype) and chat through blackberry, WHATSAPP, twitter and face book, Rachael started putting pressure on Richie to come over to see her. Richard was always so busy; he had to even fix his vacation at the period he had to write his professional exams. His hands are so tight according to him and Rachael felt it is not ‘feminine’ on her own side to be the one to travel over. Richie however assured her that they should continue their relationship and that sooner or later they would have time together.

After six months of online dating, Richie proposed and Rachel said yes during one of their Skype calls. They just flow and no one need to tell them that this was a relationship made in heaven……or online? Richard had only a week for his Christmas break having used his vacation period to prepare and sit for his CISA examination. It was planned that Richie be introduced to his future in-laws during this period. It went so well and all the family members accepted Richie almost immediately, Rachael got a tap at the back to have made a good choice. Her spouse-to-be even look more handsome than she had imagined or seen through his pictures and looks on Skype. Richie could only take Rachel out only for two days, the cinemas, Shoprite…..

Something happened during the one week of Richie’s stay in Nigeria, he got into an argument with Rachael and he hit the nearest table in sight in annoyance upturning the table in the restaurant where they went to have dinner. Rachael was embarrassed; she burst into tears and wouldn’t calm down till Richie dropped her off in her house. She refused to kiss him goodnight neither did she pick his calls till he the day of his return back to South Africa. Richie sent his apology to her with a bouquet, freshly prepared pizza and (Be Inspired) a perfume by Tara Durotoye.

She forgave him and they continued their relationship after he arrived back in South Africa. Richie was determined to get married before the year runs out and he did. He married Rachael despite they hardly had time to see each other often before the marriage, Rachael went over to South Africa once before the marriage and Richie came to Nigeria two weeks before their marriage. Honestly the real courtship was done online, yea…chatsg, calls, text and voice note.

Their honeymoon was short-lived as it was garnished with arguments and quarrel. Rachael admitted to herself that she knew just little about Richie. Richie’s anger problem continued as he vents his anger on his woman for every little mistake she did. It dawned on her that she hardly knew him despite they’ve been communicating for almost a year.

Rachael looked strange to Richie, she is always moody, looking bothered as if worried about something and anytime he asks her, she confesses she’s okay. They talked well on line while dating but they seem not to be connecting now physically. Their sexual life is nothing to write home about and both are already thinking of divorce barely six months into their marriage. They thought they are so intimate that they’ll be inseparable but unknown to them that they are still strangers to each other.

In as much that I do not mean that you cannot meet great friends online (of course I have met and still connected to great minds I met via the internet);’ serious’ courtship that will lead to marriage however should not be ‘online’ based only. Some things will not be revealed to you online while dating the person until you meet and interact physically. You need to see face to face, mix with people together, go to places together, see how your partner treats other people, pray together before some things will “surface” that will help you determine whether you are both compatible or not.

Don’t gamble with your love life…your relationship is not a game…it goes a long way to determine your happiness in life. You will succeed. Do you still need someone to talk to? Here is my BB PIN: 25E9E245






Matured…but not Married

ImageSisi has four siblings and the youngest of them, Lola would be getting married this weekend. Sisi is thirty four years and she is beginning to get worried that she won’t be able to get any suitable suitor before she grows old. She seems to be on the big side as regards her size and she has been making frantic efforts to reduce her weight. There has been so much pressure on her of recent as all her friends are either married or already have one or more kids to their credits.

‘Lanre is forty years and he is yet to settle down. All the ladies he has come across either seems not to be the right material for him or they can’t cope with the expectations he is looking for in a wife . He has however concluded that there may not be a woman out there who will surpass all the good virtues he has seen in his great mother.

Bola will be thirty-five this month and she had waited all these years to get married. When the suitor wasn’t forth coming she gave herself wholly to fulfilling purpose and even made savings to go for her Masters abroad, few months ago she met Bade, the man of her dreams, who though is some few years older than her has never been married. As she marks her birthday this month, she will also be getting married despite her family had almost given up on her getting a bachelor as a suitor.

There are great lessons to learn from the lives of Sisi, ‘Lanre and Bola. Sisi might not have a suitor right now; it doesn’t mean her time will not come. To many, Lanre is over ripe and may be under pressure to settle down with anyone that comes his way. However, marriage is not a game or a trial and error venture that can be joined into with any partner. A look at the tips below will be of help to anyone in Sisi and Lanre’s situation:

Don’t compromise standard regardless of how pressurized you may be to get married. Marriage is a life-time contract and not a short term venture and as such should not be entered with anyone you don’t know too well.

Always be positive about life, that you have a delay now does not mean you will be denied of a spouse of your own as long as you are interested in getting married.

Work on yourself, be presentable, be current and smart. If you need to work on your shape or figure, do that, hit the gym if need be. Stop bad eating habits that may be making you add unnecessary weights. Dress well, be neat, know how well to combine the clothes in your wardrobe. Look beautiful, no one is ugly, we only have people who don’t know how to take care of themselves. You only attract your quality in the opposite sex.

Learn about relationship and how to treat people. Go for counsel, read books, articles and listen to podcasts or messages about relationship. Ignorance is not an excuse.

Has there been any case of delayed marriages in your family? if it a common phenomenon, there’s nothing to worry about, you only need to talk to God ‘seriously’ to make the cup pass over you because Him only do the impossible when after you’ve tried your best and things seems not to be working.

God not only instituted marriage, He is very much interested in our relationship as He wants the best for us, you need to be connected to Him and ask Him to direct your path just as He brought Ruth and Boaz together.

Get a need and fulfill it. Pursue purpose; don’t just keep waiting endlessly and lying idle. Mike Murdock wrote in his book, Laws of Recognition, “Productive women attract productive men. It happened in the case of Ruth, yours will not be an exception. (Ruth chapter 3 and 4)

Talk to a Relationship Coach, there may be something you need to share with him/her that might have caused the delay.

Don’t set unrealistic expectations for your spouse to be. There is no perfect man/woman only God is perfect.

Never ever give up on yourself and future. Your time will come and you will meet your spouse.


Do you need someone to talk to? You still have unanswered questions as regards your relationship? You can reach me on BB PIN: 25E9E245

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