Love is not enough

ImageFranca is on her way to the hospital, this is the fifth time in three months that her precious daughter, Frances is battling with health crisis. She has sickle cell anaemia and each time she goes through a crisis, her mum, Franca, is always filled with grief and heartache knowing it was something she and her spouse could have avoided. Now her daughter will have to miss her school exams again this term on health grounds. The agony and pain her daughter goes through each time is indescribable.

I lost a bright and brilliant cousin when he was 21 years old to sickle cell anaemia. My beautiful Biology teacher in the college also died at age 39 to the same ailment. As if that was not enough, one of my close friends in college passed away while we were getting ready for our final year due to the same ailment. Ever since then, I have taken time to know what genotype is all about and how it affects the kids one give birth to. 

Why would you with genotype AS decide to marry someone with AS or SS when you know that there is a very high tendency for up to 3 out of 4 of your kids to end up with genotype SS? “Sickle-cell disease (SCD) or sickle-cell anaemia (SCA) or drepanocytosis, is a hereditary blood disorder, characterized by red blood cells that assume an abnormal, rigid, sickle shape. Life expectancy for someone with this disease is short. The term disease is applied because the inherited abnormality causes a pathological condition that can lead to death and severe complications. “(Source: Internet)

Wait, I have strong faith in the miracle working power of God and I preach it always. However, the bible advises that you do not dare such life threatening venture if your faith is not as big as the minute mustard seed. (Matthew 17:20)

I know two Medical Doctors who were in love and planned to get married but the lady declined when she discovered her future spouse and herself were both of genotype AS. She had seen patients, especially kids, go through untold pain and life threatening moments because of their genotype and so she did not want to bring kids to this world who would suffer the same fate. Her fiancé who is a strong believer in miracles told her his own genotype could change to AA before they get married. She told him to go and pray for the change to happen first and then he can come back after the change to propose to her again.

The man took it as a big challenge and prayed to God. His genotype did change to AA. His fiancée had to take the result to not less than three laboratories to confirm the change before she believed. Today they are both married and all their kids are healthy. Do not tell me love is blind. We are responsible for the decisions we make in life. Do not make decisions that will make your kids curse you tomorrow. Why birth kids to subject them to regular pain and torture? In your counseling session before marriage, medical tests and advice also count. No knowledge is useless.

Love is beautiful but marry for reasons stronger than the feelings that give you sleepless nights if you have not heard from him/her. Marry for reasons that will make you both stay together even when you do not feel those butterflies in your stomach again. Marry for reasons that will make both of you stick together through thick and thin.

A lot of marriages in the western world crash when the feelings are gone; marriages that last are beyond feelings, they have strong pillars built on values, virtues and vows. It takes dogged commitment for anything to last. It takes more than “I’m in love” to keep a relationship together forever. It is the festive period, a lot of people will meet and claim to be in love when they mingle at recreational centers and holiday spots. Be wise, be careful, do not let your mind and head go to sleep when you are in love lest you get tied down to lust thinking it is love. Let us do it again in 2014. Thanks for staying with me in 2013 and especially for voting for this blog; we won the Best Relationship Blog Award (Judges’ Choice) from Nigerian Blog Awards 2013; your vote pulled it through for us. I value you greatly.

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Once a prostitute…

ImageRahab is not the typical lady you would want to fall in love with on a good day. She was a scarlet woman, one who makes ends meet by sleeping with men of different sizes and status. She has the contacts of political leaders and first-hand information of what is happening in town. She however had a strong reason why she decided to be a prostitute in the first place; yet, no reason is strong enough to be an excuse for indulging in such kind of business you would say. One day she saw a beautiful opportunity to stop trading her body for money; the Israelites were coming to town to survey the wall of Jericho where she resides. Her people would do anything to kill the representatives and she would do everything to protect these young men. Despite the view of the society on the type of job she does, inside her is still a large and beautiful heart. She protected the Israelite men from the attack of her people and she ended up saving her life and those of her relatives when the Israelites eventually came to destroy the land on their way to the promise land. One of the Israelite men fell for her large heart and married her. A woman of her tribe and with such career was a taboo to the people of Israel but she was an exceptional case because she was instrumental to the Israelites getting to their promise land.

Tamar prostituted herself with her father-in-law Judah to get a child of her own. She was initially treated unjustly by her in-laws due to the death of her husband and sent packing, promising to call her back when her late husband’s brother is of marriageable age. She later discovered that she had been deceived and to fight for herself, she disguised like a harlot to seduce her father-in-law. When discovered, people hated and scorned her but Judah; her father-in-law realized he had wronged her greatly by punishing her initially for what was not her fault. He accepted her kids (a set of twins), brought her back into his home not as a wife but as a daughter-in-law to wipe away her shame. He never stopped thanking her for giving him kids whose lineage Jesus Christ emanated from.

A lot of times, we look down on people because they have a past the society is not proud of. What would have become the fate of Ruth if Boaz had looked down on her like ‘a second-hand’ woman because she was once married to someone else? Her people were even forbidden to be married to God’s people because her ancestry is a product of the abominable act between Lot and one of his daughters. Ruth however had great virtues; she was hardworking and loving, little wonder she became the great grandmother of King David.

Why do you keep condemning the one God has forgiven? Why look down on a single parent as if she is worth nothing again? Bathsheba had an illicit affair with David yet God forgave her and made her son king after the demise of King David. Jesus told those that brought the adulterous woman for punishment to be the first to cast a stone against her if they were all without sin. Some prostitutes are wallowing in their filthy lifestyles because they feel no one will ever love them again the way they deserve to be loved. Some were victims of rape while they were young; others were lured into it unconsciously. Some are even on a mission to spread HIV to any man available having contacted same via rape. Until you hear their story, I dare you not to judge them. Have you tried reaching out to them with words of hope and love with the aim of helping them re-trace their steps to their maker? Many a times we have ‘prostituted’ ourselves when we desire to go to bed with someone else other than our spouse, but God forgives us each time we run back to him so who are we to judge someone else?

We do not love truly if we cannot love unconditionally like God. It does not matter if she has aborted before, she deserves to love and be loved again. You may say it is not easy for you to reach out to them; your prayers for them will go a long way. You can also donate to NGOs that cater for prostitutes like the Real Woman Foundation and others.

Save a soul today, a future president or reformer may need to be ‘birthed’ by that prostitute you’re condemning. We need more men like Boaz, Salmon (Rahab’s husband) and Prophet Hosea who will love their spouses deeply and wholly despite their ugly past. She may be a prostitute to you today but her creator may need her to bless destinies tomorrow. I value you greatly!

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