It is so disheartening to see how great marriages we envy crash these days like a house of cards. Divorce has now become a cancer eating deep into the fabrics of beautiful homes and one begins to wonder if there is hope for the institution of marriage. Without any doubt there is still hope for the great institution of marriage but one of the ways to tackle the divorce issue is to identify some of the causes of seemingly irreparable damage in marriages which leads to divorces a lot of times.
Now let me share with you a few reasons why marriages fail…
INFIDELITY: – It is not easy to bear the betrayal and hurt of a cheating spouse. It takes a broken and healed soul to forgive a spouse who indulges in extra marital affairs. The union may not last if one of the spouses is an unrepentant cheat who cannot stop having illicit affairs, though he/she may beg for forgiveness each time he/she is caught with someone else. It is even more heartbreaking if the cheat is indulging in a same sex (gay) relationship. The betrayed partner in most cases may never recover from the shock and thus the relationship may collapse like a house of cards.
A marriage may come to an end if there is a NO SEX situation. This could be as a result of a spouse being obsessed with pornography and masturbation so he/she no longer derives pleasure in real sex, thus he/she commits EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY because all the emotions that such a person is supposed to bestow on his/her spouse is being invested on addictive behaviors like pornography, drinking, womanizing, gambling, masturbation and more. In this kind of situation, the betrayed spouse may go through EMOTIONAL NEGLECT which will cause the couple to drift apart emotionally, though they may still share the same bed. At this point, they are no longer soul mates but mere bed mates.
POOR COMMUNICATION make couples disconnect with time and this may sometimes be because of LONG SEPARATION. Some great couples have lost their homes as a result of distance created in pursuit of jobs/career/contracts that keep them away from each other for too long. In some cases communication breakdown is a result of misunderstanding, immaturity, different backgrounds (upbringing and culture), irreconcilable differences, refusing to offer forgiveness for a wrong committed or choosing not to overlook a character flaw.
FINANCIAL CONFLICT can end a relationship easily. In the economy we are in today, it is not even enough for the man only to be gainfully employed, his wife must have what she is bringing to the table no matter how little, that is when she is a good helpmeet. If a woman’s financial needs cannot be met by her husband for a long time without a ray of hope of when things will change for better, she may leave the man without a blink of an eye.
A relationship that is devoid of AFFECTION and APPRECIATION will end up in frustration. Human beings are created to stay around those who appreciate and celebrate them even for the little things they do. When this is lacking at home, they tend to seek it somewhere else and hover over anyone that cares to feed them with it.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE ends a marriage quickly. It is even advisable that the abused partner seek urgent help lest the marriage ends his/her life. Abuse is a terrible thing to experience because it deprives the victim of joy, comfort and happiness and in return inflicts untold pain (emotional and physical) on him/her.
When people with low self-esteem or unhealthy values get married to each other, there is a temptation for them to want to compete with one another instead of complete each other, so untamed EGO, PRIDE, AND INSUBORDINATION towards one another will erode the beauty of companionship and partnership in marriage. The competition between them becomes unhealthy and could cause divorce if not checked on time.
Divorce can be a thing of the past in our society if we CHANGE OUR VIEW ABOUT MARRIAGE: Couples need to learn to view themselves as imperfect souls coming from different cultural backgrounds with different upbringing, so they must learn to exercise patience, perseverance and tolerance by accommodating and managing each other’s uniqueness and peculiarities. Forgiveness is golden and must be imbibed by couples who wish to stay together forever.
We also need to imbibe MORALS, VALUES AND VIRTUES: Each home must have these and must stay true to them. They guide one’s steps even when faced with sexual temptations.
Sometimes what we need is PROFESSIONAL HELP: Couples need to know that the same way they tell a medical doctor about their ailments is the same way they need to talk to a marriage counselor about their marital issues, especially when things seem to be going out of hand.
Don’t joke with TIME OUT WITH ONE ANOTHER: Marital vows are strong and binding. We should not just say our marital vows with our lips alone, we should recite them with our heart and re-visit them regularly to check whether we are still standing by them. Couples should always take time out despite their busy schedules to get away and spend time together without the kids. They should assess each other to know whether they are better lovers or whether they have drifted apart to become just friends.
Above all, we must NEVER LEAVE GOD OUT OF THE EQUATION: Marriage is a three cord between God, man and his wife. Just the same way you cannot operate a device well without consulting the manufacturer’s manual, we need God’s manual on marriage to make our marriage work. We must be ready to obey His precepts concerning marriage since marriage is His divine idea.
Do you need a listening ear? Reach out to me on BBM: 29E55A9A