Help! My Spouse has Changed!

Betty is unable to understand her spouse anymore. He seems to have changed from the guy she courted two years before marriage. He is now exhibiting behaviors that are so strange to her. He snaps at her these days and finds intimacy so boring and weird. And oh, they’ve been intimate since their courtship days. It was a way to prove she loved him. She couldn’t deny him sex, not after he proposed to her in front of his family members on his birthday. He showed he desired her above all other women in the world and that is what every woman wants; a man that will make her his ‘numero uno’.

What Betty did not realize is that learning about one’s future spouse or partner stops once they start having sex before marriage. So most of the signs she was supposed to look out for stopped beingvisible to her, she stoppeddiscovering her fiancé and instead started feeding his sexual urge. The senses cease to work once emotions are out of control and sex is involved.

The same way the foundation of a building is important to its durability, so also is the foundation of any relationship. How was your relationship founded?

Relationship is not synonymous to gambling and we should put in conscious effort when we want to enter into it. A spouse does not just change overnight, there would have been signs that had been overlooked….instead of whining or crying over a spouse whose love and affection you’re losing, it is important that you try to find the source of the problem and address it squarely.

Starting out as a cute couple is beautiful, growing together in love and intimacy as the years go by is more commendable. Successful relationships take great work. It is good to be married to a great partner, it is however better to learn how not to take that spouse of yours for granted day in, day out. We are humans and there is the possibility that we change but what kind of change is taking place in our lives; positive change or otherwise? Any change that is detrimental to our spouse is also detrimental to us. Don’t neglect the treasure you are married to at the expense of the temporal flashy distractions in your work place.

Don’t wave aside any slight issue you notice between you and your spouse, create time to talk about it together.

Circumstances, pressures and daily challenges make people change but how we react to and address the change will determine whether we will lose our spouse to change or not. Learn to be patient and accommodating. Avoid situations that make you snap and shout at your spouse. What will make relationships last arenot feelings, emotions or sexual attraction; it is a dogged determination to stay faithful to the one you made a vow to love. Through the changes, the ageing, the sagging of breasts, menopause, old age, illness and fatigue, you promised to be his/her one and only; now it is time to fulfill the promise.

Pick that phone now; apologize to your spouse for speaking rudely or roughly or angrily to him/her in the past. Don’t be deceived, one of the best decisions you made in life is your marriage to that man/woman, don’t think of divorce now because you just met someone who seems to be spicing up your life; it is a temporary excitement, it will soon fade. Go back home to the man/woman you married; it might not be his/her fault that he/she changed, situations beyond his/her control might have caused it. Kindly hold his/her hand and talk about the change; you both can walk through this change gracefully with smiles on your faces; yes you can. Learn to enjoy the beautiful changes that occur in your spouse’s life as you grow old together; you also have to learn how to cope or manage the changes that ‘somehow’ irritateyou….it may look hard but it will not be when you are ‘in love’.Image


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