Leaders and Lovers

Your primary assignment as a leader is your home unless you don’t have any. Let me be frank with you, if you’re a celebrity that commands so much respect outside your home but your presence at home does not ignite an atmosphere of love, ‘mehn…,’ you have not done well enough. Let me ask you, if your wife and kids are asked the kind of person you are at home, what would they say? Will they paint you as beautifully well as your proteges and fans do?

Great leaders are not only leaders on the social media or in the public or office; they are super dads to their kids and great lovers to their wives. If you succeed well in your business, ministry and career but fail in your responsibility at home, you have failed your Maker. The only set of people who would not reject you no matter how life turns out for you is your family, so why not love them the way they deserve to be loved. Your family was there when you were a nobody, so they should be your priority when you’ve now become ‘somebody’.

Dear Sir, if you love your PA more than you love your wife, you’re not a good role model. In the words of Praise Fowowe (twitter handle: @PraiseFowowe),“How sane are you as a business executive when you abandon a family that is working for an untested girl out of pleasure”. Your wife and kids should not struggle to get your attention. Don’t be all over as an Ambassador for your country or representative for your international company while your family hurts in your absence. Show me a leader, who loves, cherishes and respects his wife and I’ll tell you he is a leader who will win all battles of life.

Don’t underestimate the power of a praying wife. Men who make their wives sad struggle in some areas of life and wonder why that should be. A happy wife will dare to sacrifice anything to make sure her husband succeeds in life. It also means a sad wife can stop at nothing in bringing her husband down. God through Apostle Paul of Tarsus gave specific instruction to every married man on how he should treat his wife. He said, “Husband, love your wife…”

A wife you love is a wife you will adore; create time for in spite of your busy schedule, you will call her often to know how she is faring. Let me ask you, when last did you take her for a vacation? Or when last did the two of you take a break together and escape to find solace in each other’s arms alone. Yes, we know you as a leader but are you a lover to your wife. Does your wife have to cry to get your attention? Does she receive timely advice from you the same way you give your all to your clients? Remember she was there when no one believed in your dreams, now that your dream has become a global phenomenon, does she look too ‘outdated’ to be identified with you in public?

Did I hear you say yes to that last question? Re-package your wife if you don’t like how she looks, spend all you can to make her be the woman you will be ‘crazy’ about 24/7. We know you are becoming a global leader but don’t do that at the expense of your wife’s heart and your kids’ love. You can be a great leader and a superb lover at the same time. The world is watching you!

(In the display picture is a mix of great leaders I admire who love and treat their wives with so much respect. You guys are great role models)Image

#WhenSinglesGather with Facilitator 1 – @oluwoleinspires

 

#WhenSinglesGather with Facilitator 5 – @Grace_Festus

 

 

#WhenSinglesGather with Facilitator 4 – @solaadio

 

 

#WhenSinglesGather with Facilitator 3 – @Bunmicake 

 

 

 

#WhenSinglesGather with Facilitator 2 – @adedoyinmatthew

 

 

Dear Mother-in-Law

This is an open letter to all mothers-in-law.
I write to you today as woman to woman. It has come to my notice that you had a choice of spouse in mind for your child to marry; one way or the other your child ended up marrying his/her own choice and not yours. You want your child’s happiness so you seem to comply with the union but on the other hand, you are vigilant, watching and waiting for your son/daughter-in-law’s mistake so you can have a chance to show your initial disapproval of the relationship.

I want you to know that whatever you do to your daughter-in-law may likely be reaped by your daughter from her mother-in-law. It’s called the law of the harvest. Let me introduce you to the best mum-in-law I have ever heard about. She is Naomi, the one Ruth promised not to leave in the ancient book of Ruth as contained in the wisest book ever written (The Holy Bible). Oh yeah, you seem to be familiar with the story. She was a great mentor to her daughter-in-law. In fact she never blamed Ruth for the death of her son, Ruth’s husband, which was untimely. She treated her like a daughter and even introduced her to the God of Israel.

Ruth had nothing left to look out for since her husband’s death and Naomi released her to go but she knew her mother-in-law would not survive her long journey back to Israel without help and company. She volunteered for an opportunity to start life all over again by keeping Naomi’s company. She wouldn’t have done that if Naomi had treated her badly.

The great relationship Naomi had with Ruth ended up blessing both their lives. Naomi got her late husband’s inheritance back courtesy of the husband Ruth later married in Israel. It is inhumane to treat your daughter-in-law badly because you feel she will ‘steal’ your son’s attention from you.

Genesis 38 gives an account of how Tamar was badly treated by her spouse. God killed her spouse when God saw her pains and ordeal. God is moved by the tears of women because He knows they are fragile at heart and should be treated with respect. Jezebel was also slain by God for plotting against God’s servant, Elijah. Her blood was licked by dogs; that’s to tell you how God treats people who are inhumane. Let me ask you, do you want GOD to slay you? God help you if your daughter-in-law can cry out to God like Hagar did in the wilderness….help will surely come for her.

Treat your daughters-in-law as you want your own daughters to be treated in their matrimonial homes. One of the tweets of Praise Fowowe on twitter (@praisefowowe) reads: “African families must learn to allow two adults who have chosen to marry be and not interfere with sentiments that have not helped anyone”

I have vowed to be the best mother-in-law to my future daughters/sons-in-law. I want them to remember me and call me the best mother-in-law that ever lived on earth. What about you?

Please Note: This piece is a special dedication to all daughters-in-law who are being victimized by their mothers-in-law. God sees your pain, He hears your cry, and He will plead your case.

I am your Fellow Sister,
Grace Festus-Alao
BB Pin: 2BA9F589

Do me a favour…Fall in love with Me!

When was the last time you took time out to celebrate how far you have come in life? Do you even have time to appreciate who you are on the way to where you are going? Today, I challenge you to love yourself deeply, wholly, fully and unconditionally; only then are you properly positioned to love your spouse, loved ones and others regardless of their weakness.

At a time in my life I was so busy trying to have a perfect home and trying to always be there for my spouse that I forgot and hardly had the time to give myself a special treat. Oh yes, you do deserve a special treat and not once in a lifetime but often. Do not wait till someone takes you out to ‘spoil you silly’; you may need to be the one to ask yourself out at times and give yourself the special treatment you deserve. Don’t be too busy working to amass wealth and end up losing your health when the wealth comes.

I felt that as long as my home looks like a palace and there is always a smile on my spouse’s face, I was okay, but I got it all wrong. I gave myself away selflessly forgetting to reserve anything for ‘me’ and that started affecting me negatively. I became so ‘worn out’ because I never took time out to be refreshed. It is great to look after the welfare of your spouse, home and kids but do not forget to look after yourself too. Always look at the mirror and observe if the reflection of who you see is a better you or a ‘worn-out’ you.

In the words of Sarah D. Jakes, “you have to love yourself first; because that’s the only way you can truly love another imperfect person”. I love the words of Olakunle Soriyan which reads, “I’ve come to realize that the smallest thing to do in life is to make myself happy”. My husband often says, “no one can make you sad without your consent”. It therefore means that it is paramount that you should be happy in life; and if you are surrounded by those who do not make you happy, find a way to make yourself happy. You cannot make other people happy if you’re sad. Let me ask you a question, “What are those things you derive joy in doing and when last did you do them?”

A lot of leaders are lonely and depressed and that is why suicide cases are increasing all over the world. There are times that you will face great challenges and you must build your own circle of cheerleaders. Do you have people who can encourage you no matter what you’re passing through? You may have a lot of pressures on you as a leader, you need to have confidants or mentors who you respect, who can look you straight in the eye to tell you to take a ‘serious’ break when you need one. Don’t overwork yourself till you break down.

The grave is filled with lots of people who never fully lived their lives. People viewed them as successful but never knew they battled inwardly with depression, loneliness and rejection; and as such ended their lives because they didn’t enjoy it. Learn to hang around those who celebrate you and those who will stop at nothing to bring out the best in you. Fall in love with yourself because if you do, you will stop at nothing to make yourself happy. Know when the law of diminishing returns set in and when to take a break to rest or go for a long vacation. Do not die before your time; do not fix your funeral for when the applause is loudest (when the world needs you most). You are phenomenal, see yourself that way and love yourself fully. Don’t be a solution provider who refuses to use the prescription he recommends for others when he too needs it.