Help! My Spouse is moving in opposite direction….

  ‘Can two Individuals walk in same direction without first agreeing to do so? ‘- Prophet Amos

It is so frustrating to be married to someone who doesn’t believe in your vision or dream. It is energy draining to be soul knitted to someone who doesn’t see the future you paint and anticipate. Nothing is as beautiful as having a partner/spouse who is your number one cheerleader. It is great synergy to have a lover who watches your back as you go to the field to do what you are called to do; what you are specifically configured for.

I put it to you that it is pertinent to have purpose before partner. It is better to know the future you anticipate before you ‘drag’ in your future partner into the picture. You may need to ask Mary who ‘wombed’ the Messiah how frustrating it was initially when her spouse Joseph didn’t initially believe her purpose of birthing the Messiah. God your creator knows you need a supporting spouse to function well and finish strong. This He proved when He threw all His weight behind Moses’ wife Zipporoah when she was criticized and victimized by her in-laws for belonging to a tribe God instructed them not to marry from. Now wait, it was this same God that instructed Moses’ tribe not to marry from Midian where Zipporoah emanated from. It was Zipporoah’s father that housed and catered from Moses when he fled from Egypt because the enthroned Pharaoh was after his life for defending the people of Israel. Moses needed to stay away from the public for a while to prepare him for the great task ahead of delivering the children of Israel from captive. Zipporoah’s father, Jethro not only provided the place of abode for Moses but also gave him his blessings for him to marry his daughter.

While courting, Moses took time out to explain his vision to Zipporoah, he told her how he awaits a time when his people would be delivered from the captive; how it would happen however remain clueless to him. Zipporoah believed his vision despite having a ‘foreign’ origin.

Fast forward to the burning bush experience; it was time for Moses to go deliver his people from the slave master and guess what he got his wife’s support and blessings and I am sure she kept praying while Moses went ahead to challenge Pharaoh (phew!)

Fast forward to when the nation of Israel got their freedom and was on their way to their promise land, Moses’ siblings scorned and despised Moses for marrying from a forbidden tribe. It was a slap on Moses’ face and that of his spouse; but guess what? God was so proud of all the support that Zipporoah gave her husband all through and He had no choice than to punish Moses’ siblings for their insolence. God knows it is suicidal to go on a mission or embark on a vision whose success has many lives attached to it without YOU having the full support of your soul mate; this is critical. There is so much to share on this topic …

To this effect, my faculty and I will be teaching singles in MENTORING SINGLES master class on 17, 18 & 19 July and we have decided to include this topic SELF DISCOVERY: Finding Purpose before Partner in our course outline. It is a course that is deep and compulsory for everyone that desires fulfillment in life and marriage. Take advantage of this awesome experience; Send ‘masterclass as subject of the mail; your full names and whatsapp number to whensinglesgather@gmail.com and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Your beautiful future has begun already. I believe, do you?

He Proposed…She said No! So what?

My attention was drawn the story of a young man making news on the social media of recent. He went out with his supposed girlfriend to a popular shopping mall and proposed to her right in the midst of the crowd. Guess what? The babe gave a blatant NO!

How do you expect the guy to feel? His ego will be hurt, he will be disappointed and ashamed. He may even feel very angry at himself for putting himself in that position and with his girlfriend for giving him a NO. Above all, he will be unhappy.
Despite this, it is not the end of the world, he shouldn’t lose hope on life because a lady he so much love do not consider him qualify to be her life partner.

More so, the man should have known if the lady was into him or not before proposing in the public. He could have tested her privately with suggestive questions similar to the proposal before coming to the public to embarrass himself. Before you can propose to a lady in the public, you must have made her anxious and be looking forward to when you will pop up the question.

Same way, lot of ladies have been heartbroken because they have fallen in love with men who have no feelings for them or plan to have them as life partner for the future.

So how do you handle such situation when you get a No from a proposal.
-Try as much as possible not to be angry. It may not be easy but it is the best way to keep yourself save.

-Remember it is not the end of the world. Most times, what awaits us in the future is always better and finer than what we regret not having in the present.

-Try as much as possible to get busy doing something profitable. Engage your mind positively. Idle mind will make your heart wandering and throwing a pity party for yourself.

-Do things that make you happy. Listen to great music. Watch interesting films and hang around people that can make you laugh.

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-More importantly, you may have to talk to someone whose counsel you respect in case you are losing your mind or not better in days. You know that slogan that usually accompanies drug adverts on radio and television , ‘if symptoms persists after a few days, do consult your doctor’ (smiles). A Relationship counsellor or Mind Therapist will be of great help.

She said no to your proposal, so what? It is not the end of the world, it is only a bend that will lead to a glorious end. I believe so and I need you too to do so. All the best.

Romance is big deal in Marriage

Melody was in a hurry, she had to be at the airport in the next three hours to catch her flight to Texas. She is billed to minister at an international family conference. Meanwhile a couple has been waiting in her office to see her for counseling; they have vowed not to leave until they see her. It looks like an emergency;her PA sent a message to her via blackberry messenger to inform her that the couple says they are just a few minutes away from divorce. The word ‘divorce’ struck Melody, she will have to see this couple and she hopes to be done in good time so she meets up with her flight.

‘Drive straight to my office, a couple needs me now’ she instructed her driver. It was not long before she arrived at her office and came face to face with the couple. They looked so young and beautiful together, ‘why on earth would you want out of your marriage?’ Melody asked the couple. The husband pointed to his wife, ‘she says I’m boring, she claims she was happier when she was single. I want her happiness. If letting her go will make her happy, I’m willing to do that’, he concluded looking more confused than sad.

Melody turned to the wife who was already in tears; she waited for her until she could find her voice. ‘He doesn’t understand me. He is not always there when I need him. He doesn’t know how to touch me the way I want to be touched. He doesn’t know how to feed my emotions. He often forgets I love to be hugged, touched and pampered. I hurt emotionally. I want out’ she blurted out.

‘What if he learns how to touch you, hold you and feed your emotions the way you want, will you stay and fight for your marriage?’, Melody asked. The woman’s face lightened up at the question, she looked straight at her husband’s face and looked back at Melody and gave an affirmative nod. Melody smiled as the husband made a sigh of relief.

Melody turned to the man, ’learn your wife’s love language and work with it’. She then faced the woman, ’Lauren, turn to your husband and tell him how you want to be loved and touched’. It was a touching moment as Lauren poured her heart out in tears to her husband of three years. Lamide couldn’t hold back the tears in his eyes as he watched and realized how the things his wife desire are so far apart from the way he has been treating her all these years. ‘I don’t just want us to have sex. I want us to make love always. I want you to care about how I feel when we do it. Not just about you getting satisfied but also being concerned enough to find out whether I enjoyed it or endured it’, Lauren concluded.

‘I am sorry, I never knew this was how I made you feel all this while and you never told me’, he lamented. ’You were always busy making money, too busy to notice how I feel’, she replied. They continued their dialogue and poured their hearts out as Melody watched on, it took them several minutes to notice that Melody was waiting for them to finish. She smiled at them, they are much better than how they were when she sighted them almost two hours ago.ighodalo

‘I recommend that you take a short vacation to rediscover yourselves. Learn each other’s idea of romance as well as each other’s love language’. Laugh, play and if possible cry together. You need to hold nothing back from each other’. ‘I look forward to seeing you stronger and better together when I come back from Texas’, Melody concluded as she prayed with the couple.

‘Mission accomplished’ Melody smiled at herself as she made her way to the international airport, another family had just been saved from divorce; she is living her purpose.

Guard your heart against Heart breakers

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Your heart is so precious and should not be toyed with. A lot of times we attract wrong people into our lives and then wonder why they treat us badly. Anyone who does not place value on you will not treat you well.

Let me start by asking you what value you place on yourself. A lot of times we see signs from a prospective heart breaker, yet we ignore them and reassure ourselves that what we feel for our partner is enough to take care of our relationship. Love should not be one sided. For a relationship to survive, affection and devotion must be mutual. It should be a two way thing. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic.

In a relationship, the communication line must be kept open. Are you both making effort to reach each other as often as you can or is the effort that of one person alone?  If she calls all the time and he never makes an effort to reciprocate unless when he needs something from her, he is a predator. If the only time she ‘flashes’ his phone or send text messages is when she wants something from him; she won’t last long in that relationship.
As a single person, if all your partner is asking for is sex and he/she can’t be disciplined enough to wait till you exchange marital vows. Watch it! You are courting a heart breaker.

If you have aborted for him once and he is still not ready for marriage but he keeps asking for sex, you are probably a play thing in his hands and he will soon do away with you.

A lot of us don’t know we need to first commit our hearts to God before we commit it to men. A man who has no regard for what God says about sex or sin will not find it difficult to cheat on you. Someone who keeps friends with womanizers and adulterers will soon tread that path if he does not change company.

It is good to admire the shape or the figure of that guy or babe but it is more rewarding to look out for the kind of future that person projects.

Let me conclude with the advice I usually give singles when they ask for counsel just as they are about to  start a new relationship; ‘Fall in love with your heart but don’t let your brain go to sleep while in love, open your eyes and be sure to observe and address all negative signs’. May you never be a victim of serial abuse!

Dear Mother-in-Law

This is an open letter to all mothers-in-law.
I write to you today as woman to woman. It has come to my notice that you had a choice of spouse in mind for your child to marry; one way or the other your child ended up marrying his/her own choice and not yours. You want your child’s happiness so you seem to comply with the union but on the other hand, you are vigilant, watching and waiting for your son/daughter-in-law’s mistake so you can have a chance to show your initial disapproval of the relationship.

I want you to know that whatever you do to your daughter-in-law may likely be reaped by your daughter from her mother-in-law. It’s called the law of the harvest. Let me introduce you to the best mum-in-law I have ever heard about. She is Naomi, the one Ruth promised not to leave in the ancient book of Ruth as contained in the wisest book ever written (The Holy Bible). Oh yeah, you seem to be familiar with the story. She was a great mentor to her daughter-in-law. In fact she never blamed Ruth for the death of her son, Ruth’s husband, which was untimely. She treated her like a daughter and even introduced her to the God of Israel.

Ruth had nothing left to look out for since her husband’s death and Naomi released her to go but she knew her mother-in-law would not survive her long journey back to Israel without help and company. She volunteered for an opportunity to start life all over again by keeping Naomi’s company. She wouldn’t have done that if Naomi had treated her badly.

The great relationship Naomi had with Ruth ended up blessing both their lives. Naomi got her late husband’s inheritance back courtesy of the husband Ruth later married in Israel. It is inhumane to treat your daughter-in-law badly because you feel she will ‘steal’ your son’s attention from you.

Genesis 38 gives an account of how Tamar was badly treated by her spouse. God killed her spouse when God saw her pains and ordeal. God is moved by the tears of women because He knows they are fragile at heart and should be treated with respect. Jezebel was also slain by God for plotting against God’s servant, Elijah. Her blood was licked by dogs; that’s to tell you how God treats people who are inhumane. Let me ask you, do you want GOD to slay you? God help you if your daughter-in-law can cry out to God like Hagar did in the wilderness….help will surely come for her.

Treat your daughters-in-law as you want your own daughters to be treated in their matrimonial homes. One of the tweets of Praise Fowowe on twitter (@praisefowowe) reads: “African families must learn to allow two adults who have chosen to marry be and not interfere with sentiments that have not helped anyone”

I have vowed to be the best mother-in-law to my future daughters/sons-in-law. I want them to remember me and call me the best mother-in-law that ever lived on earth. What about you?

Please Note: This piece is a special dedication to all daughters-in-law who are being victimized by their mothers-in-law. God sees your pain, He hears your cry, and He will plead your case.

I am your Fellow Sister,
Grace Festus-Alao
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